Stepping Backwards

Yes! That is how I feel as my aggressive behavior gets worse and worse. I want to hide with my books and never come out of my hiding place. The part about this state of emotion that hurts the most is that I love my children with all my heart -- they are my world.

My depression takes a part of my heart, as well, and that is the part that fights with me as it wants the attention that I am giving to my children. I cannot escape the hell inside that eats at me on a daily basis especially in recent months. I guess it is a good thing then that I have an appointment with my doctor next month because I need to change something and quick.

For now though all I have are my five cats and a dog who luckily cannot talk back and will love me no matter what. I must hide the tears while I am around my children so as not to scare them. I already know that my son will flip-out if he sees me crying as he is rather emotional and still remembers when he was three and I was in the hospital. He may not remember much of the time we spent in Columbia, MO but he surily remembers not having me around for one month.